"We have met Mr. Purple Robert. It was a Jarring experience. His devotional poetry is good THOUGH , BE WARNED, IT IS NOT FOR YOUR AVERAGE  CHURCH-GOER. If you want to be challenged and offended into deeper thought, then he is your man. His controversial nature means that we have to keep him 'at arms length.' Consequently, Mr. Purple has his own Website & Takes care of His own 'Bookings & Appearances.' We only print his books. If he offends you, and he will, please take it up directly with him. Thank You."


Purple Robert is a 59-year-old bohemian layabout who enjoys rage, reading and putting recyclable products on the normal blue bin.  He is friendly but unreliable, and can also be very lazy and a bit untidy. He is allergic to grasshoppers but loves Rock-Hopper Penguins. Surprisingly, his favorite color is red?


His best friend, Paul, claims to a former international super spy who now works with the homeless. They enjoy horse riding, praying and chess. 

Purple is intelligent and reliable, but can also be very rude and a bit impatient.  He is a British Christian who defines himself as undersexed?  He claims to have PHD in flatulence from Sussex University, though does not use it in his titles as he later refused to rewrite his Thesis after successfully passing his VIVA 'with corrections.'

He is tall with bronze skin, purple hair and black eyes.

He grew up in an upper class neighborhood. He was raised in a happy family home with two loving parents and a hamster, and attended Public school before being expelled for ignorant indolence and working-class leanings.

He is currently married to Amanda Amagoochi, an former heavy metal roadie, who is 18 years older than him and dying. As a poor poet he currently enjoys her pension but is looking forward to the inheritance and selling the amps. 

Announce coming events

Having a big sale, on-site celebrity, or other event? Be sure to announce it so everybody knows and gets excited about it.

Display real testimonials

Are your customers raving about you on social media? Share their great stories to help turn potential customers into loyal ones.

Promote current deals

Running a holiday sale or weekly special? Definitely promote it here to get customers excited about getting a sweet deal.

Share the big news

Have you opened a new location, redesigned your shop, or added a new product or service? Don't keep it to yourself, let folks know.

Display their FAQs

Customers have questions, you have answers. Display the most frequently asked questions, so everybody benefits.


Check out this great video